We Will Be Okay
by LoverofDogs94
Summary: They once thought he was invincible. No one ever is. Not really.


I don't own The Good Wife. I still am not over Will dying. Not sure I ever will be there.

* * *

hey were sitting at the bar. Their bar. The one they spent so many evenings at, several years before. Staring into their drinks, not really drinking, not really talking, not really living.

They buried him today. Will Gardner. They once thought him invincible. No one ever is. Not really.

Alicia spoke first.

"How many shots is it when you lose someone?"

Kalinda laughed darkly, before responding.

"As many as it takes to lose count. And then some."

Both downing the drinks in front of them, Alicia signaled for another round.

"I'm sorry, Kalinda."

Looking up, the other woman responded.

"What?"

"I'm sorry for everything. For the past few years, for splitting up the firm, for Will. Everything."

Her voice had cracked at the end.

"It's not your fault. None of it is your fault. None of it."

Alicia half smiled. Grimly.

"I'm still sorry. About what happened between us. I missed this. Drinks after work with you. Having a girl to talk to."

Kalinda returned her own broken smile.

"It's ok, Alicia. Really."

They continued drinking in silence. Almost losing count. Getting there.

"I loved him, you know. He was like my best friend. I thought he would always be around. He respected me. Not a lot of people respect me."

She had said it so soft, Alicia almost didn't hear it.

"I know. I thought he would always be there too. He loved you too. He told me once he felt the need to watch out for you. Not that he would ever have told you that."

Kalinda made a noise of acknowledgement, and the drinking continued.

Alicia spoke again.

"I loved him too. And he probably died hating me."

She sounded so broken. Bitter.

"No. No. He didn't hate you. Never could have hated you."

Doubt flicked across her face. "How can you be so sure?"

"He told me."

She said it so simply.

Whatever answer Alicia was expecting, it wasn't such a basic one. She stayed silent, and Kalinda continued.

"He did. It was a few months after you and Cary left. We had been, well, here. He had enough to be drunk, he was rambling. At first, it was about random stuff. Baseball. His sisters. Almost getting disbarred. And then he started talking about you."

"What did he say?" She breathed out.

Kalinda took a breath, remembering the conversation.

"How could she do that? I took her in. I pushed for her. And she stabbed me in the back."

She remembers how he looked at her, broken, and continued.

"You know K, I should hate her. I really should. But I can't. You know, it's messed up how someone can screw you over, and hurt you so bad, yet you still love them."

Kalinda replayed the conversation for her, and sat in silence while Alicia absorbed it. A few long minutes later, the other woman spoke.

"Really?"

"Yes."

More silence. More drinks. More silent tears.

"I should have told him. I never told him."

Kalinda just glanced over.

"I loved him. And I never told him. I should have told him. I should have picked him. I should have picked him years ago. At Georgetown. If I had, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe this could have been avoided."

She was shaking, tears pouring down her face.

"Don't do that to yourself. You can't do that to yourself. You just can't. No what ifs. No what could have beens. None of it will bring him back."

Kalinda was also crying. Couldn't stop the tears.

"But I should have said something."

"You had a family. A husband."

Alicia laughed bitterly. Interrupting.

"Yeah, a really great husband."

"He knew. He knew that your family would always come first. He understood. Mostly. He knew you loved him. He did."

"I hope so. I really, really hope so."

Dejected. Abandoned. Broken. Emotions. All of them. All at once. Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. Room was shrinking. Too much thinking . So many tears.

Suddenly, Kalinda was rubbing her back, reminding her to breathe. Deep breaths. Calm down. Breathe.

"It's ok. Alicia. It's ok."

Breathing almost returning to normal, tears slowed down.

"Do you think it will get easier?"

Blowing air out of her mouth, Kalinda spoke.

"We will never be the same people we were a week ago. Never."

Alicia nodded. "We might learn how to cope better. Maybe I won't have to have someone remind me to keep breathing, to keep living. Won't dry-heave every time I see the color red. Maybe, it won't be so hard to get up in the morning. Maybe."

"Yeah."

"Do you... Do you think we could keep this up? Meeting for drinks?"

"...Yes. I would like that."

More drinks. More silence. It was late. Number of drinks was long forgotten. They continued to sit for a long time.

When the bartender yelled out for last call, the stood to leave.

Standing outside, ready to go their separate ways. Said goodnight.

And then...

"We are going to be okay, right?"

Their eyes met.

"Yeah. We are going to be okay. Eventually."

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Review please!


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